Happy eating tong yuen and merry christmas.

Today is called "goh dong"..don't know why it is called "goh dong" but still my mum say it's new year and bla bla bla.
Yesterday heard tzu yee say make tong yuen ( almost forgot about it ) and then I only realise that my parents haven't buy the materials ( or did ) -o-

Here are some lame jokes.
Q:What's a child's favourite king at Christmas?
A:StocKING

Q:What did Mary Popins want from Santa?
A:Superclausfragilisticexpiallisnowshoes!

Q:What never eats at Christmas time?
A:The turkey, its usually STUFFED!

Q:How does a yeti get down the hill?
A:by-icicle!

Q:What kind of candle burns longer?
A:No candles burn longer, they all burn shorter!

Q:What did Cinderella sing when her photographs weren't ready?
A:Some day my prints will come...

Lame joke story.
CHRISTMAS CAKE RECIPE

You'll need the following:

1 cup of water
1 cup of sugar
4 large brown eggs
2 cups of dried fruit
1 teaspoon of salt
1 cup of brown sugar
Lemon juice
Nuts
1 bottle of whisky

Sample the whisky to check for quality. Take a large bowl. Check the whisky again. To be sure it's the
highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer, beat one cup of butter
in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar and beat again. Make sure the whisky is still OK.
Cry another tup. Tune up the mixer. Beat two leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried
fruit. Mix on the turner. If the fired druit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it goose with a drewscriver.
Sample the whisky to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Who cares?
Check the whisky. Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Spoon the sugar or something. Whatever you can find. Grease the oven. Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees. Don't forget
to beat off the turner. Throw the bowl out of the window. Check the whisky again and go to bed.


'Twas the Night before Christmas, And Santa's Pissed


Twas the night before Christmas
old Santa was pissed,
He cussd out the elves
and threw down his list.

Miserable little brats,
Ungrateful little jerks.
I have a good mind,
To scrap the whole works.

I've busted my ass
for damn near a year
Instead of "Thanks Santa" what do I hear..

The old lady bitches
cause I work late at night
the elves want more money
And the reindeer all fight.

Rudolph got drunk
and goosed all the maids.
Donner is Pregnant
Vixon has AIDS

And just when I thought
That things would get better,
The IRS,
They sent me a letter.

They say I owe taxes,
If that aint damn funny..
Who the hell ever
Sent Santa any money?

And the kids these days,
They all are the pits.
They want the impossible,
Those mean little shits.

I spent a whole year
Making wagons and sleds
with no request for them
They want computers and Robots,
They think I am IBM

If you think that is bad
Picture this..
Try holding those brats
with their pants full of piss.

They pull on my nose,
They grab at my beard
And if I don't smile,
The parents think I'm weird

Flying through the air,
Dodging the trees.
Falling down chimneys
And skinning my knees.

I quit this job,
There is just no enjoyment
I'm going to sit on my fat ass
And collect unemployment

There is NO Christmas this year
Now you know the reason
I found me a blonde
and heading SOUTH for the season....

IRS = Internal Revenue Service
IBM = International Business Machines


Torturing Santa


Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad, and a note
explaining that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds.

While he's in the house, go find his sleigh and write him a
speeding ticket.

Leave him a note, explaining that you've gone away for the
holidays. Ask if he would mind watering your plants.

While he's in the house, replace all his reindeer with exact
replicas. Then wait and see what happens when he tries to get
them to fly.

Keep an angry bull in your living room. If you think a bull goes
crazy when he sees a little red cape, wait until he sees that
big, red Santa suit!

Build an army of mean-looking snowmen on the roof, holding signs
that say "We hate Christmas," and "Go away Santa."

Leave a note by the telephone, telling Santa that Mrs. Claus
called and wanted to remind him to pick up some milk and a loaf
of bread on his way home.

Throw a surprise party for Santa when he comes down the
chimney. Refuse to let him leave until the strippers arrive.

While he's in the house, find the sleigh and sit in it. As soon
as he comes back and sees you, tell him that he shouldn't have
missed that last payment, and take off.

Leave a plate filled with cookies and a glass of milk out, with
a note that says, "For The Tooth Fairy. :)" Leave another plate
out with half a stale cookie and a few drops of skim milk in a
dirty glass with a note that says, "For Santa. :("

Take everything out of your house as if it's just been robbed.
When Santa arrives, show up dressed like a policeman and say,
"Well, well. They always return to the scene of the crime."

Leave out a copy of your Christmas list with last-minute changes
and corrections.

While he's in the house, cover the top of the chimney with
barbed wire.

Leave lots of hunting trophies and guns out where Santa's sure
to see them. Go outside, yell, "Ooh! Look! A deer! And he's got
a red nose!" and fire a gun.

Leave Santa a note, explaining that you've moved. Include a map
with unclear and hard-to-read directions to your new house.

Set a bear trap at the bottom of the chimney. Wait for Santa to
get caught in it, and then explain that you're sorry, but from a
distance, he looked like a bear.

Leave out a Santa suit, with a dry-cleaning bill.

Paint "hoof-prints" all over your face and clothes. While he's
in the house, go out on the roof. When he comes back up, act
like you've been "trampled." Threaten to sue.

Instead of ornaments, decorate your tree with Easter eggs.

Dress up like the Easter Bunny. Wait for Santa to come and then
say, "This neighborhood ain't big enough for the both of us."